THURSDAY, MAY 1, 2003
ALL-AROUND-TOWN CAMPBELL BROWN: Here at THE HOWLER, were still in shock over that ludicrous Campbell Brown tax-cut performance (see THE DAILY HOWLER, 4/30/03). Imagine! Brown has to write 400 words in a weekand is there any part of her hapless report that made a lick of sense? What an outing! Its almost impossible to be unfair to Bush when it comes to budget flimflambut Brown is such a nonpareil that she may have even done that! Meanwhile, when she recites the truth about those Dem Party mythswell, its almost impossible to describe the dysfunction displayed by this addled, inept press corps.
The responsibility, of course, lies with Tom Brokaw. Brokaw should hang his head in shame to have introduced such a hapless report. But what do you expect from the pampered prince, lord of all he surveys? For example, lets remember his stunning lack of discipline during Campaign 2000. Believe it or not, here are the first words Brokaw spoke after Bush and Gores first debate:
BROKAW (10/3/00): The conclusion of the first debate. The election is just five weeks from today. It ran about ninety-five minutes altogether. There were some very spirited exchanges. The two candidates stuck to their fundamental positions. You did have a feeling that if youd asked Vice President Gore what he had for breakfast today he would have said, Two eggs over-easy, coffee and a waiter who was complaining about the tax cut of the Texas governor.Incredible, isnt it? And of course, youll think were making this up. But noBrokaw simply couldnt wait to start mocking the claims that Gore had made. But why should anyone have been surprised? Here were his first remarks after Gores convention speech. No, we didnt make this up either:
BROKAW (8/17/00): Vice President Al Gore, with one mention of Bill Clinton, saying I am my own man here tonight. Separating himself in one small way, at least. He ran through the speech in about 45 minutes. Bill Clinton would have been going until about 11:15.Incredible! On that occasion, Brokaw couldnt wait to give his viewers their first shot at a Clinton joke. Translation: If Gore was trying to separate himself, Uncle Tom had no plan to help out.
Its almost impossible to comprehend these pampered incompetents sense of entitlement. But on the bright side, Brown, at least, had some old-fashioned fun at the press corps Big Dinner this weekend. You know the drill. After they hand themselves piles of awards, pundits head off for an evening of fun. Lloyd Grove will handle the honors:
GROVE: [W]e did clearly see a not-quite-Cinderella encounter between Sir Richard Branson, the suave, cigarette-smoking CEO of Virgin Atlantic Airways, and NBCs glam, cigarette-smoking White House correspondent, Campbell BrownReaders are free to emit mordant chuckles about that final remark. Meanwhile, if you want to learn more about Brown-on-the-town, just click ahead to this crucial report. Its an important piece from the Post magazine: Four prominent Washington-area residents explain why they love their living rooms.
Readers, dont overlook our incomparable point. Our public discourse lies in the hands of a hugely inept, hugely pampered elite. Have you ever noticed this crowds effect on Americas inept public discourse?
MOST TROUBLING NEWS FROM THAT LIVING-ROOM STUDY: Campbell Brown is pals with Frank Bruni! With that in mind, why not visit our incomparable archives? If you want to see how Bruni handled that Bush-Gore debate, see THE DAILY HOWLER, 3/18/02. Synopsis: Watching from the back of the room, Bruni thought Bush had performed so poorly that he had blown the election. But like Brokaw, Bruni decided to make fun of Gore! As Tucker Carlson would say the next day: I think a lot of people believe that, you know, maybe Bush didnt do as good a job as he might have. And yet, the coverage does not reflect that at all. Its interesting. More than interesting, it was a virtual fraud on the public. But then, have you ever noticed this crowds effect on Americas deeply-hoaxed public discourse?
TYPIST TARANTO, TAKING HIS POINTS: In yesterdays HOWLER, we took a look at the typist James Taranto, who had scored John Kerry for looking French. Many readers upbraided us for failing to name this scribes scripters. He takes his points from the White House, of course. This primal stupidity first appeared in the New York Times, reported by Adam Nagourney:
NAGOURNEY (4/22/03): In assessing Mr. Bushs potential opponents, Mr. Bushs advisers said Mr. Kerry could be presented as ideologically and culturally out of step, both because of his liberal positions on some issues as well as his Boston lineage and what some Bush advisers described as his haughty air.Kerry looks French! That was just deeply stupid! But since that day, good White House butt-boys have leaped into action, typing the simpering spin-point. Taranto hurdled tables and chairs on the way to his desk. He sat down, and began typing hard.
For the record, our favorite typist was the hapless Jay Nordlinger, over at National Review on-line. When Teresa Heinz Kerry replied to the ludicrous White House remark, Nordlinger knew that he had a real live one. They probably dont even speak French, Heinz Kerry had sniffed. Nordlinger knew this gals kind:
NORDLINGER: [H]eres the kicker: Mrs. Heinz Kerry sniffed about the White House, They probably dont even speak French.Incredible, isnt it? But thats what happens when these butt-boy typists try to type points on their own. Heinz Kerry, of course, is only a rich American lady because she became a naturalized citizen. She grew up in Africa, child of a Portugese family, and wed guess that her French is fairly good. In 1994, the Boston Globes Bob Hohler profiled Heinz Kerry when she said that shed wed solon John:
HOHLER: The former Teresa Simoes Ferreira, Heinz was raised in Mozambique, the daughter of a Portuguese physician, and studied literature at the University of Witwatersrand in South Africa. She is fluent in five languages and has worked as a translator, interpreter and consultant to the United Nations.But thats what happens when typists attack! Of course, for consummate typists of Nordlingers ilk, the spin-points on this couple are obvious. Kerry himself looks like hes French. And his wife? Worked at the UN!!!
Go ahead, boyscheck it out with your government minders. Then, scramble to your desks. Boys! Type on!