THEYLL NEVER STOP SAYING MARIA! So sang a love-sick young man. So sings Anne Kornblut today: // link // print // previous // next //
THURSDAY, APRIL 10, 2008
CONTINUED RUBE-RUNNING FROM JOSHS REPLACEMENT: We read a string of e-mails yesterday, many built on this line of thought: No, McCain didnt literally say it, but... By the end, we were mainly struck by the number of progressives who think we can beat McCain this year only by making inaccurate statements. Well grant you this: Given the way our liberal intellectual leaders have functioned in the past sixteen years, its understandable when liberals and progressives cant even imagine their team constructing a winning argument. Over those years, our leaders havent tried to win very hard; their careers have tended to come first. Which brings us back to the person who has kidnapped Josh Marshall. Good God! Joshs replacement was still aggressively running the rubes in this clownish, Wednesday afternoon post:
How many ways can a guy play the rubes? This short post is a classic.
First, note the way Joshs replacement implies that Clinton has just now started whacking McCain for his hundred-year comment. If youre one of the low-information liberals Joshs replacement seems to be stalking, you might believe, from reading this post, that Clinton has only now joined Obama in whacking McCain for his comment. That is baldly false, of course; she and Obama have both been criticized for misstating what McCain said. Beyond that, Joshs replacement fails to note the most obvious fact about Clintons most recent statementthe one he praises in this post. In fact, Clinton has now stopped making the statement for which she was criticizedshe has changed her original statement. In his post, Joshs replacement links to a (typically bungled) on-line report by the New York Times:
That hopelessly bungled New York Times post also implies that Clinton just joined Obama. Who knows? Joshs replacement may be so stupid that he thought this was accurate. (Maybe hes too tied up running the business.) But something is clear from that New York Times post: As anyone can easily see, Clinton has changed her earlier statement, the one for which she was criticized. In our view, the first part of Clintons Hopewell High statement is a bit sillybut at least its technically accurate. McCain did say it would be OK if we kept troops in Iraq for 100 yearsunder peaceful conditions. But in her original statements (for which she was criticized), Clinton had said something different. Who knows? Maybe if we repeat the elementary facts enough, people as dumb as Joshs replacement will even start understanding them:
As Rich noted, Obama and Clinton had both been criticized for claiming that McCain said he wanted a 100-year warsomething he plainly hadnt said. Yesterday, Clinton changed that part of her statementand Joshs replacement failed to notice. Maybe hes still running the rubes. Or maybe hes busy. Or dumb.
Lets review this story, and its simple:
Originally, Clinton misstated what McCain said. She was criticized for her misstatementand she has subsequently changed what she says. But Joshs replacement is so dumb that he cant seem to follow these simple developments. Either that, or hes running the rubeschasing those low-info voters.
Has now joined Obama? Really, thats pathetic (and the rest of the segment got worse).
Olbermann and Robinson were awful, as always. (Were amazed that the Post lets Robinson do this.) But then, these are the boys who followed the scripts which got us into our current mess. Theyve failed you utterly, right from Day One. Why on earth do you send us e-mails in which you torture fact and logic so you can play along with them now?
THEYLL NEVER STOP SAYING MARIA: Youd think theyd program their cyborgs better. On page one of this mornings Post, Anne Kornblut is finally allowed to do her profile of Chelsea Clinton. Is Kornblut poorly programmedor just broken-souled? Her first paragraph gives us the tell:
Poorly programmed? Or empty, basebroken? Finally allowed to profile Clinton, Kornblut couldnt get through a single paragraph without including those two magic words. (She fleshes them further in paragraph 4.) And note the tricks these life-forms use. Why did Kornblut say that Clinton had brought up the Monica Lewinsky scandal? Duh! Because Clinton hadnt mentioned Lewinsky herself! Go ahead: Watch in horrified stupefaction as a leering cyborg types on:
You see? Clinton hadnt mentioned Lewinsky at all! But Kornblut wanted to mention Monicawanted to say her name very much. And so, like that a slick decision! Lindsey Graham was close enough! Kornblut said Clinton had mentioned the Lewinsky scandal, not Miss Lewinsky herself.
Yes, weve seen a variant of that move before; well refresh you with Howler History below. But first, lets move ahead to the Posts page 3, where one of Keith Olbermanns broken-souled robots opened his Washington Sketch like this. Good God! Same thing! Spawn of Kornblut!
Poor Milbank! Petraeus testimony was deeply important. But he longed to discuss that alleged D. C. Madam. And so, he wet-dreamed this.
For years, weve pondered two possibilities as theyve behaved in this manner:
First possibility: Theyre simply empty-souled palace dwellers. Their souls have been broken by their celebrityby propinquity to wealth and power. Only one thing stirs their bloodand so they discuss it again and again. If Kornblut can work a certain name into a profile, a thrill might even run up her legmight even land in a secret spot. In Milbanks case, he has to find a way out of Iraqa way to chat about hot love instead.
Second possibility: Clearly, these life-forms arent of this earth. Cyborgs or extraterrestrials? On that, well let you be the judge.
That said, Kornblut and Milbanks leering today answers a recent question:
Back when the idiot David Shuster was wondering if Clinton was being pimped out, his colleagues pretended to ponder a question: Why wont Chelsea Clinton do interviews? The answer, of course, was perfectly obvious, though they were programmed not to reveal it. To state the obvious, if Clinton were interviewed by a cyborg like Kornblut, the first question would go like this: Chelsea, how did you feel when you learned that your father got blow jobs from someone who was almost your age?
Its the question they all were longing to ask; no other topic enters their minds. Did anyone doubt thats what they would ask? Did Kornblut prove it this morning?
WE OFTEN THINK OF GUROV: When we watch these broken-souled losers trying to make the blood flow through their veins, we often think of Gurov, the aging roué in Chekhovs great Lady with Lapdog. In all his conquests, hed never felt love, even once. Every new affair...inevitably developed into an extremely complicated problem and finally the whole situation became rather cumbersome, were told. And yet, at every new meeting with an attractive woman he forgot all about this experience, he wanted to enjoy life so badly and it all seemed so simple and amusing.
We think of Gurov when we read this sort of work by these empty, broken-souled losers. It seems they want to enjoy life so badlybut they only seem to know one way to move the blood through their veins. But uh-oh! Given journalistic events of the past year or so, we might also recall this part of Chekhovs portrait: He always spoke ill of women, and when men discussed women in his presence, he described them as the lower breed.
Gurov finds his soul in the end; some at the Post havent been so fortunate. While were at it, might we also cite this part of Chekhovs portraitof Gurov as he initially finds him? He could not help feeling that he had enough bitter experience to have the right to call them as he pleased, but all the same without the lower breed he could not have existed a couple of days...
To us, the Kornbluts and the Milbanks seem similarly lost, from their own hearts desires.
Below, two pieces of HOWLER HISTORY help illuminate this sad cohorts familiar, twisted instincts:
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SOUND THEY EVER HEARD: Broken-souled losers who crawled from a swamp still longed to hear those magical words. It was November 1999impeachment had ended nine months beforebut all these broken souls wanted to do was sing the song of Monica. And then, as if by magic, it happened! They learned that Naomi Wolf was advising Al Gore! Wolf had about as much to do with Lewinsky as Kornblut has to do with real things of this earth. But so what? Wolf was a woman, just like Lewinsky! And so, as their Month of Wolf unfolded, they compared them again and again.
How sad! In their month-long trashing of Wolf, a cottage industry quickly sprang up in tortured, Wolf-as-Lewinsky comparisons. In a profile in the Washington Post, Ann Gerhart said that Wolfs hair resembled Lewinskys. On Hardball, Chris Matthews said that Wolf sounded like Lewinsky. In her nationally syndicated column, Kathleen Parker said this: At a glance [Wolf] could be the sister of another well-known, raven-haired former Washington belle. Meanwhile, loathsome smut-hounds like Maggie Gallagher began to dream their dreams of blow jobs, as in this inane syndicated column, where she pretends to scold Gore:
Wolf was a 37-year-old married mother who had written three acclaimed best-sellers, two of them chosen by the New York Times as notable books of the year. But in the minds of these broken-souled boobs, she was just a pretty little writer thing who, of course, gives good pen. But then, by the fall of 1999, blow jobs were the only thing these knuckle-draggers could make themselves ponder. Result? They began pretending that Wolf advocate[s] teaching teen-agers...oral sex (Tony Kornheiser, the Washington Post). No, it wasnt actually true, but it was widely asserted all the same. Wolf was a powerful advocate of onanism, CNNs Tucker Carlson gravely said.
Is there any earthly way that humans can get that stupid?
All that said, the most unfortunate Wolf-as-Lewinsky comparison came from Jim Pinkerton, writing in two famous liberal publications, the Los Angeles Times and Newsday. Pinkerton opened a gruesome column with this unfortunate passage:
Laughably, it was now Lewinsky who was the obviously intelligent personthe one who could have written that acclaimed best-seller, as her look-alike, the former Rhodes Scholar, had done. And things went downhill as Big Pink labored on. After citing a negative review of Promiscuities, the deeply needy journalist returned to his Monica reveries. Just as a needy intern found an even needier president, Wolf found her beta male, he pathetically mused. And as Clinton struggled to conceal his physical relationship with Lewinsky, so Gore labored to hide his fiscal relationship with Wolf.
Go aheadwe dare you. We dare you to tell us that the life-forms who produced that are actually human.
I'll never stop saying Maria! So sings a love-sick swain in the musical, West Side Story (click here). Like him, these cyborgs will never stop saying a certain name. But go ahead, we dare youtell us! Just tell us these life-forms are human!
THE SHAPE OF THEIR LOGIC: Kornblut wanted to say Lewinsky. But darn it all to the planet Zarkon and back, Chelsea hadnt mentioned her! And then, she had it! She knew what to do! Shed cite the Monica Lewinsky scandal! It made her statement technically accurate! And her editors agreed! It was perfect!
And yes, youve seen that slick move beforethat particular part of their broken logic. In the fall of 1999, reporters wanted to type Willie Horton, using that name to slime Candidate Gore, who they were working hard to destroy because of Bill Clintons ten blow jobs. (Career-sucking losers like Josh Marshall were working quite hard not to tell you.) But literally, Gore had never mentioned Horton in his life; hed never mentioned Hortons crimes either. Question: How could they use Hortons name to slime Gore while keeping their statements technically accurate?
And then, they had it! They knew what to do! To see a gang of moral cretins arranging to send the U. S. to Iraq, be sure to review our past work on this matter (see THE DAILY HOWLER, 11/1/02). And after that, we dare you to tell us! Just tell us theyre flesh of this earth!