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Daily Howler: Olbermann, he of the hot monkey love, may now be the world's dumbest person
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BIGGEST GENDER-NUT IN THE WORLD! Olbermann, he of the hot monkey love, may now be the world’s dumbest person: // link // print // previous // next //

Biggest gender-nut in the world: In the world of pseudo-news, MSNBC has been “Gender-Nut Central” for about a dozen years now. But the kooky “news” channel may now have found the biggest gender-nut in the world. This Wednesday night, he repeatedly pleasured himself with ruminations on failed teen-age romance:

OLBERMANN (3/11/09): And the shocker from Star magazine: Sarah Palin`s daughter splits from her fiancee. She is now officially an unwed mother!

OLBERMANN: They used them in the campaign. But now Sarah Palin’s daughter and the future son-in-law are splitsville. That’s next, but first time for Countdown’s number-two story, tonight’s worst persons in the world.

OLBERMANN: Let’s switch to Governor Palin. By the time she revs up her 2012 presidential campaign, do you think she will have learned her lesson, and stop trying to apply the proverbial public band-aid to a messy little family issue? If the daughter is preggers, just let her stay off-stage, right?

Earth to Nutso: The formerly preggers Bristol Palin already was an “unwed mother,” if you insist on enjoying that term—and don’t worry, you will! By the way: Olbermann explained how he’d been forced to report on the once-preggers Palin:

OLBERMANN: [Levi] Johnston’s sister Mercedes has told Star magazine that her brother and Bristol broke up more than a month ago and that he rarely gets to see his newborn son. People magazine, the Associated Press, Access Hollywood confirming the split. Yet we have yet to hear from OK! magazine. All of it would be nobody’s business if the governor had not tried so hard to insist on publicizing domestic bliss.

Of course! It’s food for snark if OK! goes there; if KO does, his hand has been forced! Still no word on why this big nut-case spent the next evening offering teasers about “teen prostitution”—about something he had completely made up! Yes, he really said these things—these things he completely invented. “Fasten your seat belts,” he warned:

OLBERMANN (3/12/09): Worsts: Newt’s solution to teenage pregnancy—pay girls not to get pregnant. Wait! Newt, doesn’t that mean you’d be paying at least some of them to have sex? What`s the word for that again?

OLBERMANN: And in Worsts: Newt Gingrich with a remarkable suggestion about preventing teen pregnancy. Unfortunately, his solution is, in part, teen prostitution. Fasten your seat belts! You are watching Countdown on MSNBC.

OLBERMANN: The man who brought us the Contract with America now has a scheme to tackle teenage pregnancy. It involves paying teenage girls to have sex. Worsts ahead.

This guy’s so big a nut he squeaks. We’d have to say there’s a very good chance he’s the biggest gender-nut in the world.

What would make a grown man conjure such a ludicrous notion? To state what must be blindingly obvious, Newt Gingrich has not proposed “paying teenage girls to have sex,” the formulation with which Olbermann pleasured himself, just one night after feeling forced to discuss that “unwed (teen) mother.” For ourselves, we’re underwhelmed by Gingrich’s actual “plan,” which is described in this AP report. But what could possibly make someone think that it involves “teen prostitution?” (Answer: The desire to talk about teen prostitution!) Finally, the host explained, as he named his “worst person:”

OLBERMANN (3/12/09): But our winner, Newt Gingrich. He wants health reform in this country and he knows how to get it: Pay for it. Not pay for doctors or medicine or hospital, but pay people to do healthy things. Pay poor people money not to smoke, pay teenage girls money not to get pregnant. Wait a minute—paying teenage girls to not get pregnant while having sex. There is a flaw in that logic somewhere. What could it be? Oh yes! Legally, that would be government-sponsored child prostitution. Newt “bordello brain” Gingrich, today’s worst person in the world!

By now, Gingrich was recommending child prostitution, a formerly serious topic. But speaking of “bordello brains,” what could have made this kooky man think that Gingrich had proposed “paying teenage girls to not get pregnant while having sex?” (Our emphasis.) At this moment, it became clear: Olbermann is the biggest gender-nut in the world. He wants to talk about teens having sex. And he’ll find ways to do it.

By the way: Those thoughts about that unwed mother weren’t the only such thoughts crowding Olbermann’s brain Wednesday night. In the second half of that evening’s program, he treated viewers to a truly impressive array of dirty-boy obsessions. The gentleman managed to conjure a way to return to Bill O’Reilly’s “hookers.” And who could stop him from extending the thought to his fellow nut-case, David Vitter?

OLBERMANN (3/11/09): I’m going to have to agree with Bill O’Reilly. He is, after all, the authority on hookers. From the Andrea Mackris lawsuit, when O’Reilly told her about, quote, “a girl at a sex show in Thailand who had shown him things in a back room that had blew his mind.” And there you have it! MSNBC is a company full of journalistic prostitutes because BillO the clown once went into the back room with a Thai hooker. Case closed!

Speaking of hookers, how dare those airport employees not know who Senator David Vitter is? Doesn’t everybody recognize him from the D.C. madam case?

Along with the fate of that “unwed mother,” the “hookers” of O’Reilly and Vitter also crowded his mind this night. And then too, his head was full of thoughts about bestiality—and animal husbandry! No. Not making this up:

OLBERMANN (3/11/09): And Worsts: Trying to finally outlaw bestiality here in Florida. By the way, which special interest group delayed that? State senator confused by the term animal husbandry actually asks, quote, "People are taking these animals as their husbands?” All that and more, now on Countdown! Good evening from Tampa.

OLBERMANN: And in Worsts: No, senator, animal husbandry is not about marrying your monkey. It is not why that woman in Connecticut was so upset when her chimp went crazy and they had to shoot him. You are watching Countdown on MSNBC.

OLBERMANN: And an elected representative of the people of this great state of Florida actually asks if animal husbandry means you just married a chimpanzee. Worst persons in the world next on Countdown.

On Wednesday, marriage with chimps was also crowding this gender-nut’s oddball thinking.

What explains this multiply-teased report? A Florida state senator may have said a slightly dumb thing, as everybody does at some point. Eventually, Olbermann explained the deeply troubling matter, as he showed the senator’s photo and named her “worst person.” Note the last highlighted passage:

OLBERMANN: But our winner, Florida Democratic State Senator Larcenia Bullard, who wasn’t clear on the wording in a proposal by her committee to make bestiality illegal in the Sunshine State. Florida one of only 16 states in which molesting an animal is still not a crime for some reason. Ms. Bullard supported the proposal, but was unsure about a provision contained within it. The provision allowed for animal husbandry. Quoting Bullard, “People are taking these animals as their husbands? What’s husbandry?”

OK, a reminder: We’re probably not paying our politicians enough money. We seem to be losing the better candidates to the fast food industry. They tried to explain animal husbandry, the science of breeding animals, to Senator Bullard. She didn’t really get it. Her follow-up question: “So that may have been the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?”

Florida State Senator Larcenia Bullard, D of Miami, today’s worst person in the world.

Bullard may not have known what “animal husbandry” meant (although we wouldn’t swear to it). Of course, Olbermann didn’t seem to think his viewers would know what it meant, either. That would explain why he defined the term midway through his award. (It’s “the science of breeding animals,” he said, slipping us the answer.) At any rate, Bullard was named the world’s worst person, with her picture hurled on the screen so others could be warned against her advance. And this let Olbermann offer his string of teasers about marriage with monkeys. For the record, Olbermann seemed to be working from a single, very short news report which had appeared, word for word, in two Florida newspapers. Could Bullard possibly have been joking when she made her “monkey” remark? Based on the short news report, it’s possible. But then, it’s even possible she was joking from stem to stern—although reporter Marc Caputo didn’t think so. You see, no one but the biggest nut in the world wasted time on this pointless piffle.

For the record: Bullard is a “former teacher and administrator, education consultant, community activist.” (Just click here.) In this brief news report from 2008, she’s described as “typically good-natured.” Given the wealth of truly bad conduct currently found in some parts of the world, we have no idea why someone would draw so much meaning from this incident—and Olbermann made no attempt to explain the depth of his feeling. But it helped him fill his show with a string of gender-nut comments—remarks about “hookers,” an “unwed mother” and the prospect of marrying chimps. The next night, it was on to “teen prostitution”—prostitution which doesn’t exist.

“Teen prostitution” which doesn’t exist! He simply made it up!

A bit of background: For at least a decade, MSNBC has been the network of gender-nuts and -obsessives. For years, Chris Matthews carried the banner (with occasional help), insulting and ridiculing liberal women and trashing Hillary Clinton for her deeply unseemly “ambition.” Here’s Matthews in December 1999, describing the lady’s vile prior conduct: “She said, I'm going to give you universal coverage. I want to give every man who gets into this country, legally or illegally, free health care, and they're going to have to thank me for it, and bring flowers to me like I'm Evita.” In other words, this guy’s a stone nut.

But by 2007, Matthews had help. Every evening, Olbermann was banging away at the world’s young blondes, and a string of empty lads (of all ages) were banging away at Clinton. And good grief! Within the last year, Morning Joe has been consumed by a weird strain of Archie Bunkerism, with imagery straight from Valley of the Dolls. Co-host Mika Brzezinski expounds each day on the way “mommy” is strung out on her mood-enhancers, as the male panelists chortle and play. In recent weeks, male panelists have stopped ridiculing Brzezinski for her laughable clothing and jewelry, but that had been a regular part of the program’s big fun too. Scarborough himself is often visibly angered by Brzezinski’s exceptionally dumb, stupid conduct. It’s like Austin Powers is producing this show, so much does it take the viewer into a gender time-warp.

In TV news, this occurs nowhere else. It dominates at MSNBC—has done so for years. But now, after years of searching, this remarkably kooky network has found the world’s biggest gender-nut. It’s astounding to see this kind of conduct enacted in the name of “liberalism.”

But no, Virginia (and Bristol; and Lindsey): Newt Gingrich hasn’t proposed “teen prostitution.” Olbermann wanted to tease us again—with that, and with talk about marrying chimps, and with talk about Mr. O’s “hookers.” (We’ve skipped his important thoughts on squeaky-voiced Victoria Jackson.) How long will this crap—this absolute crap—be spoon-fed to the public? As the last two decades have conclusively shown, modern societies can’t run on dumb. And Olbermann, he of the hot monkey love, may now be the world’s dumbest person.

Remember when: Remember when a certain host dreamed of seeing Clinton beat up? Yes, that happened too.